It’s time to unleash the Bitch!

Stop staring at the B-word! Yes, I said it. Besides, it made you look. For far too long we have contained, stifled and tried to gentrify that wild and unleashed side of us. To borrow a phrase from the spiritual community, our base self. The one with very human traits, who screams, gets angry, I mean gloriously mad, the one who experiences jealousy, the woman who gets emotional. She is the one who is passionate and lives a genuinely sensuous life.

I had kept my wild side caged and muzzled for my good girl/woman persona.  The one who smiles and say it’s all good, who plays her various roles from daughter to good partner, with an understanding smile on her face even when I felt like screaming and abandoning the parts without so much of a backward glance.

I forgot that my wild side that I was born as, was totally incredible, joyous and bold! She was the one at five who told her parent’s landlord where to go for being a mean old bully. I have been told how I stood in the courtyard with hands on my hips, telling this man how no one loved him because he was a mean old grump. I had abandoned this side of me, the one who loved to dance, jump and play the side of me that believed that there was nothing I could not do.

In the society we live in today, a woman is labelled if she stands up for her desires if she is driven, ambitious and focused.  If she speaks her authentic truth and is ready to fight for her dreams, she is called a bitch! It’s the scarlet letter that most women fear.  So we hide that side of us before we are tagged, judged and labelled, so I hid her, deeply encased in the good girl jail.

I will often feel her stirring, trying to get out, and I will push her down with more stuff and justifications. Recently I spoke to the most magnificent man I have the pleasure of knowing virtually, we were having a chat, and he was fighting his inner macho man. At that moment, I understood that men suffered from this labelling too.

I gave him some advice of embracing his glorious human side in all its many shades and flavours as there lay his mojo. As I got off the phone, the first thought that came to me was, I had been sipping from the hypocritical well. As I was too scared to open the good-girl jail, let alone embrace anything. So afraid that if I let her out, people will get hurt, I will be judged and found wanting and then rejected by the ones I care for the most.

You know, anything you repress persists. It always gets out in a very dark and twisted fashion; every time she escaped, it was brutal. Bridges were burnt with her standing on the other side laughing at the bridge, shaking a gasoline tank and a lit match in hand and walking through the lives of those closest wielding brass knuckles as you can guess it got very  very ugly.

After a session with one of my mentors, she asked, what was the worst thing that could happen if I let her out?  My response was something along the line of the world imploding and an alien invasion happening all at the same time. She looked at me with a smile on her face * Side note whenever she smiles like that, I know I am in for it*  And said, what will be the best thing that could happen if I let her out and treated her like a friend and collaborator?  * In my mind, that meant putting her in a fantastic outfit, killer heels and stop silencing her* My answer was she will be my greatest champion, my voice that speaks up when my integrity was being violated. She would speak up for change. She will authentically end relationships that no longer held value or growth.  She is the side of me that is full, unbridled, passionate and deeply sensuous, the one that demands the best of the world to be hers.