When it comes to the act of self-care, I am an extremist. I believe in extreme self-care, that self-care is not an indulgence or a luxury for me. It is a need and a necessity. In our daily lives as women,  we have adopted the idea that we are the main caregivers in our relationships.  We spend most of our time wearing many hats, from the business owner, CEO, Star employee, wife, mother, girlfriend, lover and best friend.  This translates down to Advocate, Lawyer, Bottle Washer, Cook, Monster Detector, Storyteller, Negotiator, Sexual and Sensuous Goddess. That ear that listens and the hands that heal all rolled into one.  This often leaves you with very little time to nurture and care for the most neglected person in your life, and I do mean you!

We are often taught that putting our needs before others is selfish; I say pish-posh; this is so not true.  Self- Care is an act of love and survival.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” ― Audre Lorde.

So here are my top two tips for extreme self-care.

Tip # 1 Put Yourself On The List

We as women are great at generating lists for all and sundry, from the never-ending to-do lists to our perfectly laid out shopping lists.  When we check these overwhelming lists of ours, what we desire the most doesn’t feature on them and in some extreme cases, our lists are all about other people. And we barely make the top 30 things to be done.

It’s time to put you on the list.  When I think of this, my mind skips to the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, where he skips school and creates a day of magic and mayhem.  It’s time to skip your every day to-do list and play hooky,  call up that friend who is your fellow mischief maker and go and have some fun.  Go to that art exhibition that you heard about and had so wanted to go to, but you couldn’t make the time.  Have a spa break during a weekday,  my personal favourite is taking a bath and making it a ritual, and nothing says self-indulgence like a long hot soak during the middle of the day.  I’m talking about a bath that Cleopatra would have approved of. Fine, you may not be able to get the asses’ milk or a vat of honey, but you can create your own sanctuary.  Unearth that desire that you have left in the dark for too long and put it into action.

Tip #2 Say No!

This is a biggie for self-care.  Many of us women have this serious condition where we can’t say no to certain requests from our nearest and dearest and colleagues, employer and clients.  I’m also talking about you saying no to yourself when you attempt to put more things on your already full plates.  This is not about refusing to help others or be there for friends.  It’s about being conscious that saying yes to that request will be taking time away from your own pressing needs. Be honest with yourself and others that if you said yes, that decision would leave you feeling resentful, exhausted and bring a sense of frustration to your own life.  Being honest and saying no at this point is the honourable and selfless thing to do because if you took on that request and did it, you will be doing it with all the wrong energy and intentions.

These are my two tips for taking that time to nurture and care for that person that is usually last on the list and is so exhausted from the many hats she is wearing.